


this time i'm not leaving without you

by aarobron



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Hopeful Ending, M/M, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-16 21:24:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13644723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aarobron/pseuds/aarobron
Summary: a hopeful take on a valentine's day reunion. robert helps aaron cook, alex cancels, and they share a moment - or two, or three.or,"It's fine," Robert says. Aaron glances up, sees a small smile gracing the older man's face. Smoke curls down into his lungs, dances around his belly. "I'll finish cooking. I'm sure Liv wouldn't mind keeping ya company."The thing is, he doesn't want Liv. He doesn't want Alex, and he doesn't want to be alone either.He stops and considers."You should stay," He finds himself saying, palms splayed on the hard plastic table to keep himself grounded. "There's no point in it going to waste. Stay and eat."Robert has already turned back round, stirring the saucepan a little harder than necessary. He hesitates for a second, hand stilling and breathing slowing, but then he turns around with a careful, bright smile. "Yeah," He says quietly. "Yeah, alright."





	this time i'm not leaving without you

**Author's Note:**

> this is slightly different to the spoilers, but i started writing it before they came out. so this is the reunion we (i) wished we were getting.
> 
> title from [you and i by lady gaga](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9YMU0WeBwU).
> 
> thank you for reading x

Robert overhears him in the shop, because how else do you find things out in a village this small?

"Wait," he says, arm stretched out towards the teabags. There's a frown on his face as he tracks his eyes over Aaron's face, like he's trying to figure out if this is a joke. " _You're_ cooking?"

Aaron knows that Robert knows him well enough, so he's not offended. "Well, yeah," he says, as if it's obvious. Robert's eyebrows shoot up in surprise, but he grabs the teabags and heads to the counter. "It is Valentine's day, after all."

He takes a sip of his coffee and purposely doesn't look as Robert pays, but the sound of coins jingling and the smell of Robert's aftershave has the hair on the back of his neck standing on end anyway. The older man sits down without invitation, still peering at Aaron curiously.

Huh. Guess some things never change.

"Aaron," he starts, breathing out slowly through his nose. "The last Valentine's tea you cooked for me, you nearly set our house on fire. Your mum had to break out the extuingisher."

He looks amused now, like take two of the disaster is running through his head. "Things change in a year, don't they?" Aaron snaps, defensive, then immediately regrets it when Robert's face falls. "Look, I know I haven't been with Alex that long, but it's been... weird. What with his shifts at the hospital, and then _Adam_... We just haven't had much time together recently so I want to make it up to him."

Robert's face doesn't change, like Aaron expects. There's no devastation or sorrow, nothing in his eyes that Aaron can read. If there's _anything_ , he hides it well enough.

Instead, he smiles, a little tight around the edges but real nonetheless. "That's cute," he says, just for the way that a pink flush rises to the tops of Aaron's cheekbones. "Well, I'll be around if you need a hand. Nothing better to do."

"'Cause _that_ won't be awkward," Aaron says, nose turned up at the thought. "My ex husband helping me cook for my new boyfriend."

That does it. Something clouds over in Robert's eyes, just for a split second, and then clears again.

"The offers there," he says, but he doesn't sound closed off. He sounds like he's humouring Aaron; teasing, even. "But don't come crying to me when it all shoots up in flames around your ears."

He leaves with the gentle brush of his fingers over Aaron's sleeve and a cheeky grin shot over his shoulder.

_Best friends._

Sometimes, Aaron just needs a minute to remind himself of that.

.

Obviously, it all shoots up in flames around Aaron's ears, because when has life ever been easy for him? Not literal flames, thankfully, but the crumble in the oven is black enough that it looks like it's been cremated, and the sauce is too salty.

In short, it's a fucking disaster.

So he does the only thing he can think of.

"Robert?" he asks, when the older man picks up on the third ring. He sounds desperate - begging, really - and if he wasn't on the verge of tears he'd probably be embarrassed about it. "Can you come round?"

Robert agrees without even thinking about it, and it feels like seconds but is probably five minutes, and there's a knock on the door. Aaron doesn't bother to answer it, but Robert knows him well enough to let himself in.

He did live here once, for a few short (and mostly unhappy) months. He _made_ the place. Aaron still hasn't quite gotten to a point where he's remembered to unlearn that Robert doesn't belong here anymore.

It still feels like _his_ home.

"Hey," Robert breathes quietly, approaching the dining table. Aaron's sitting with his head on his hands, blackened crumble in front of him: a sign of his defeat. "It's alright. It's only food."

"But it's not!" Aaron says, words bursting out before he can think of them. He doesn't look up, but he can feel Robert standing next to him, can feel the warmth radiating from his body. "I can't do it for Alex, I can't do it for _you_! I don't know why I bother, because the one nice thing..."

He trails off because he's not even sure what he's saying. He doesn't know what he _wants_ to say, and if he'll really mean it if he does.

Robert crouches low, gentle fingertips on Aaron's wrist to make him look up. "Aaron, just think of why you're doing this," He says, closer than Aaron had realised. His eyes are burning blue green in the overhead lights, and he doesn't look away. "You're doing it for Alex, because you care. It doesn't matter if the food's Michelin standard, I'm sure he'll love it no matter what. _I_ did." 

"We ordered an Indian," Aaron points out, half a sardonic smile on his face. Robert bursts out with laughter, barely a short gust of air.

"You rang 'em, though," Robert says, smiling right back. He straightens with a groan and the crack of his knees, and glances expectantly at Aaron. "Are we making this dinner then or what?"

Aaron sighs and stares down at the crumble. "Yeah, I guess we are," he says, and earns himself Robert's hand on the back of his neck, squeezing for a second.

The warmth from it spreads low into his belly and settles, like it hasn't got the memo from his head.

.

"Did you salt the pasta?" Robert asks. He opens the oven to check the newly made crumble and dances away from the heat, cheeks flushed. He looks amazing - he looks like everything Aaron forgot he wanted.

"I'm not that thick," Aaron says, rolling his eyes.

Robert just smiles, bemused and soft. "If you say so," He teases, adding a pinch of pepper to the sauce. It's something he's made before, something he made for _Aaron_ , but it's a little bittersweet.

"I mean, it's not hard, is it?" Aaron says, ignoring Robert's comments. There's a spark between them, something light and breezy. It's always been there, that back-and-forth banter, even during the affair. It's what made Aaron fall in love, if he's being entirely honest. "The whole meal, really. It's just pasta and sauce." 

Robert falters for a second, eyebrows knitted as his mouth drops in shock. "It's not hard- Aaron, this isn't just run of the mill spaghetti bolognese!" He says, stirring a little furiously. "It's seafood linguine!" 

"It's still just pasta, innit?" Aaron says, wrinkling his nose. He leans against the counter and crosses his arms, watches Robert's pink face grow a shade redder. 

"I drove to _Hotten_ for this. I drove to Hotten so you could feed your _boyfriend_ ," He says, indignant. He points the wooden spoon at Aaron, splattering sauce over the stove. "You'll understand when you taste it." 

"Not to burst your bubble mate, but I have tasted it. It's not as good as you think." Aaron shoots back. He offers a can of beer to Robert to soften the blow though, and the older man takes it with the roll of his eyes.

_Not your mate_ , dances in the air between them, unsaid. Robert - he's spoken those words hundreds of times, meant them twice over, but they are mates now. It's a sickening drop to reality.

"Taste it," Robert says. When Aaron looks up he's brandishing a spoon (almost threateningly), free palm cupped underneath it. "It's good!"

Aaron rolls his eyes and takes two steps closer, lets Robert bring the spoon to his lips. He closes his eyes because even the _tension_ is enough right now - he can't bear to actually look. 

He surprises himself with a moan, choked back with embarrassment. It is good, better than he remembered. He tells Robert as such, and when he opens his eyes, the spoon is in the sink and the older man is grinning at him.

"Told ya," Robert says, smug as ever. That smile's on his face, the one that Aaron fell in love with all those years ago, but he wills his speeding pulse to calm the fuck down and takes two deep breaths through his nose.

The older man goes back to stirring the sauce, checking the oven, as if that- that _moment_ or whatever it was didn't even happen. Aaron wonders how he can ignore it.

"Seriously, Rob," Aaron finds himself saying. He picks at the skin around his nails and stares at it while he does, ignoring the prickly feeling from Robert watching him. "Thank you for this, you didn't have to. I mean, no one else would have."

"Well, you wanted to do something nice," Robert says, smile evident in his voice. "And I still care about you, so. I want you to be happy."

The _with him_ goes unsaid, like he can't quite bring himself to say it, but they both hear it.

Aaron curls a hand round Robert's bicep, the heat of him radiating through his shirt. "Robert-" He says. He doesn't quite know where he's going with it, but it doesn't matter, because his phone rings and cuts him off.

He fumbles to get his phone out of his pocket, sees Alex's name flash back at him. He doesn't wanna answer it, and he's about to press reject and even turn his phone off when Robert clears his throat. "You should answer it," He says, a tight smile thrown over his shoulder. "I don't mind."

"Hey," Aaron says as soon as he answers. He tries not to let the disappointment feed into his voice too much, but Alex doesn't seem to notice anyway.

"Babe, I'm so sorry," He says. He sounds out of breath and slightly pained, but Aaron can barely get past _babe_. "I'm not gonna be able to come round tonight, the hospital called. Someone called in sick and I need to cover."

"Oh, uh," Aaron says. It feels like the words are sticking to the roof of his mouth. It's exactly what he was wishing for, low-key and full of self-hatred, and he can't even bring himself to feel guilty about it. What kind of boyfriend does that make him? 

"I promise I'll make it up to you tomorrow, yeah? I've gotta go, but I'll speak to you later." Alex says, voice full of warmth. It snaps Aaron from his thoughts but before he can even answer, the line is dead and he's staring at the blank screen in his hand.

He doesn't hear Robert's footsteps approaching but he can feel the warmth radiating from his skin, from the split second of fingertips on his back. "Everything alright?" He asks, concern dripping from every word. 

There's a fire in Aaron's chest, long dimmed but forever burning. Every time the rich cadence of Robert's voice washes over him, the flames are fanned a little higher. 

It makes him feel sick. 

"Alex cancelled," He says, waving his phone before dropping it on the dining table. "Sorry I wasted your time."

It's not that he's _angry_ at Alex, because he knows it's not his fault. He just can't help that think that at least Robert _appreciated_ him.

"It's fine," Robert says. Aaron glances up, sees a small smile gracing the older man's face. Smoke curls down into his lungs, dances around his belly. "I'll finish cooking. I'm sure Liv wouldn't mind keeping ya company."

The thing is, he doesn't want _Liv_. He doesn't want Alex, and he doesn't want to be alone either. 

He stops and considers.

"You should stay," He finds himself saying, palms splayed on the hard plastic table to keep himself grounded. "There's no point in it going to waste. Stay and eat."

Robert has already turned back round, stirring the saucepan a little harder than necessary. He hesitates for a second, hand stilling and breathing slowing, but then he turns around with a careful, bright smile. "Yeah," He says quietly. "Yeah, alright."

.

Dinner's better than Aaron remembered. He misses this, sometimes - coming home to Robert dancing around the kitchen to the radio, face flushed and hair flat against his forehead, tea on the table and a kiss to the cheek.

They're sitting in the living room, Netflix on in the background because they never got round to finishing Brooklyn Nine Nine, and plates on their knees.

("So-" Aaron says, awkwardness creeping up his spine like cold fingers. He hovers by Robert's elbow, halfway to getting the good plates out of the cupboard. "Shall I set the table?"

Robert does a double take, half a smile on his face, sarcastic as ever but never mean. "This is me," He says through a huff, turning the cooker off. "You know I'm happy with a beer and a plate on my knees."

Yeah, things really hadn't changed as much as Aaron expected them to.)

"This is really good," Aaron says through a mouthful of pasta. Robert rolls his eyes and sighs, long-suffering. 

"Had time to practice, haven't I?" Robert says, somewhere between careful and boasting. It's slightly painful too, but Aaron swallows it down with a gulp of beer.

He's half considering licking the plate when Robert shoots him a look, like he knows, so he sheepishly puts it on the coffee table and makes a show of leaning back. "Thanks for that," He says, eyes tracking Robert's face. "Was nice, even if _someone_ didn't show up."

Robert hums. He may as well be waving his Swiss flag, but his eyes are telling a different story. "Not his fault," He shrugs, speaking over the rim of his beer bottle. "He's a busy guy."

"We always made time for each other though, didn't we?" Aaron counters. His voice is small and he hunches his shoulders, curling in on himself. "No matter what was going on."

"Yeah," Robert agrees. The words are hard and closed off, but delicate, like stepping onto a sheet of thin ice. "Until we didn't. Those last few weeks - you couldn't wait to get away from me."

Like Vic, crashing into that lake all those years ago.

"Things weren't good between us, Rob. _I_ wasn't good, up here," Aaron taps his temple and keeps his eyes on his ex husband. "But I'm better now."

Robert smiles, small and rueful. "Doesn't mean we are, though."

He's still swaying forward, inch by inch, like he can't control it. Aaron gets it - it's like a magnet, between them, pulling them together and repelling again when things get too hard.

Aaron finds himself glancing at Robert's lips. He hadn't even realised they were this close.

"We were good," He whispers, to remind himself more than anything. "We were _good_." And then he pushes forward, past that invisible barrier and the mental block. 

The world doesn't stop spinning when they kiss. The angels don't sing and there's no fireworks, but it's _home_. A contentment settles in Aaron's bones and spreads through his veins, warmth curling around his organs. The fire in his chest turns into candlelight.

He comes home.

He takes satisfaction in the fact that only Robert knows how this feels. He doesn't know how anyone else could ever have this - the inevitability and the rush and the sparks. It's a once in a lifetime kind of love, once in every _ten_ lifetimes.

Aaron doesn't know how he ever gave this up.

Robert pulls away first, breathless and bright-eyed. His lips are kiss-bitten red and his skin is flushed from the collarbones up. He's every image that settles behind Aaron's eyes when he closes them. 

"Are you sure?" The older man breathes. His hand comes up to cup the side of Aaron's face, thumb smoothing along his cheekbone. Aaron nods. He's never been more sure about anything in his life. "You won't regret this?" 

"Not for one second," He says, embarrassed smile on his face. He remembers saying it on his wedding day, almost a year ago (fifty one weeks and two days, but who's counting). He meant it then, and he means it now.

That's enough - enough for Robert to lean back in, to take Aaron's mouth under his own. His lips are soft, soft like the slow exhales against Aaron's cheek, like his palm on Aaron's jaw. 

And Aaron takes it a step further, hooks a leg over the expanse of Robert's thighs and settles on his knees. There's something so _intimate_ about this - there always has been - with the way Robert takes his weight and doesn't complain.

With the way his chest presses against Robert's and the way his fingers angle Robert's head, gently, like cradling a baby bird.

He's terrified of breaking this moment, shattering the atmosphere surrounding them, but he needn't be - Robert's tongue traces the length of his lower lip gently, a _tease_.

His mouth parts easily, like it always does with Robert. They're practised at this - like riding a bike. Aaron'll never forget.

Robert's hands splay around his waist, fingertips edging under the waistband of his jeans. It's so close but _not enough_ , and his hip buck forward at the same time he fists one hand into Robert's hair. A sharp tug, and the older man whines, low in the base of his throat. 

Aaron pulls away with a gasp, breathing deep. He takes in Robert, the perfect sight of him - glazed eyes, spit-slicked red lips, staring at Aaron like he hung the stars. He knows he doesn't look much better, feels like he's going out of his mind with want.

It's enough to get him moving; he climbs off Robert's lap and stands, the movement pressing their hips together for a second. Robert takes a sharp intake of breath at Aaron's cock pressed against is, and the older man is just as hard, but there's plenty of time for more later. 

Aaron holds his hand out, jerks his head towards the stairs in an invitation.

One moment passes. Two, then three.

"I can't," Robert says, breathless and pained. His fingers twitch but his arms lay limply at his sides, and he stares at a spot on the wall just over Aaron's shoulder. "I can't make you do this."

Aaron almost scoffs, but forces himself to calm down and curls his fingers into fists. "You're not _making_ me do anything," He says evenly, placating. He takes two steps to the sofa and lifts Robert's chin. Meets his gaze head on.

Like a car crash.

"It's not fair," Robert says almost immediately, eyes dropping to the floor. "On any of us. You need to choose."

It's the first time Aaron lets himself think of Alex, and it slams into him like a punch to the chest. He struggles to breathe. "I know," He says, feeling the tears prick at the corner of his eyes.

He never wanted to become this person - a _cheater_. He swore to himself that he never would.

"I'll go," Robert says softly. He stands and takes Aaron's hand, presses a soft kiss to his cheek. "You know where I am, when you make your mind up."

He grabs his coat and leaves, looking ridiculously debauched - and unfairly hot. Anyone would know what they've been doing, but it's dark enough to hide.

Aaron keeps that thought in his mind and he drops onto the spot on the sofa where Robert was just seconds ago. Head in his hands, he swallows back the lump in his throat and counts to ten. 

He needs to choose.

He knows _who_ to choose.

He just doesn't know how to break it to Alex.

A text coming through to his phone breaks him out of it, makes him jump, and he picks it off the table. It's Robert. He doesn't know what he expects, maybe _'I made a mistake, I'm coming back'_ , or _'You need to stop messing me around'_.

But it simply says: _'Paddy saw me. Prepare yourself. X'_

Well. Time to bite the bullet.

He calls Paddy before he can overthink the kiss on the end of Robert's text, and Paddy answers on the first ring.

Aaron takes a deep breath, squeezes his eyes shut. Exhales through his nose and opens them again.

"Paddy," He says, hating how choked his voice is. A tear rolls down his cheek but he doesn't wipe it away. "I need to end it - once and for all."

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @ [aarobron](http://aarobron.tumblr.com/) xo


End file.
